Free Indeed

Hello everybody. Our church, Rock Brook Church, started an amazing sermon series last week, called Free Indeed. I want to share some of what I took away from week 1 and week 2.

I live in America, the land of the free right? Am I a slave? Quickly I would answer that I’m not a slave, but unfortunately that is not fully true.

To the Jews who had believed Him, Jesus said, “if you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. ” They answered Him, “we are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anybody. How can you say that we shall be set free?” Jesus replied, “very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:31-36

That sounds like He’s speaking to me. I don’t think I’m a slave, but we are all slaves to our flesh (world). Our mind and actions can go two directions, spiritual, and worldly. Spiritual things are doing things that God wants us to do and worldly is doing what the (world) says we should do.

“O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?” Matthew 17:17

Unbelieving: not connected to God enough.
Perverse: too connected to the world.

I got saved in 2006 and my Christian walk has taken many different paths in that time. Right when you get saved, a major part of your life changes. Your eyes seem to take the blinders off, your mind seems clearer. You realize some bad things in your life, and they disappear. I would say from 1987 (birth) to 2006 I was a good kid and a good person. I didn’t steal, I didn’t drink, I didn’t smoke, I wasn’t violent, my wife was the only girl I had ever had sex with. My morals seemed pretty straight and I never really got into much trouble. I got saved not because I was doing terrible things and needed to change, it was because I realized I couldn’t handle my life on my own. My Mom tried committing suicide, then my Dad went to prison. My fiancé lived 2000 miles away and I just couldn’t handle it. My wife Megan showed me Gods love. It was amazing! As a child, I always saw God as a mean ruler that is angry at all his terrible kids. God gave his son for us, who else loves you enough to give up their child for you? Nobody! All He wants is his children to come back home. What a great picture, your child grows up and gets lost. You don’t hate your child, you want the best for them. Then they change their ways and return back home. There would be a celebration!!

I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15

From 2006 to 2012 I was still a good person and now I was learning more about God and what He wanted in my life. Now I was a husband and became a father in 2010. I had better friends and committed myself to attending church on a regular basis. During this time is when I started to see and feel like we are slaves to this word. I realized that my porn addiction was not “ok” and it was slowing killing me. I started going to porn for comfort when I was 13 years old. My childhood was not bad, but it wasn’t very easy either. Porn was always there when friends, family, or parents were not. I didn’t think anything of it until 2010, 11 years into my “addiction”. I finally decided to get my secret out and I confessed it to my wife, and our world was rocked pretty hard. This is when I realized that I am in a war.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 2 Corinthians 10:3-4

We MUST fight the spiritual war, not just throw up the flag and surrender. The devil is real and he wants us to be slaves. He is very sneaky and fills our minds with lies. (Porn isn’t cheating, your not hurting anybody, nobody needs to know) These are a few lies that the devil tells me everyday, and I have to FIGHT them. Truth sets us free, because we are prisoners and being held captive only by deception. “You can’t stop looking at porn. That’s who you are, your a piece of trash and you always will be.” Just those lies hold me captive and make me a slave. I have to fight and tell him, “that’s not me, God loves me and is for me. Your nothing but a liar.”

Then in 2012 we lost a baby. It was pretty tough for all of us, but God took that terrible thing and made is great. Our world is broken, God didn’t cause Isabella to die, but he did allow us to turn that terrible time into one of the greatest things in my life. My eyes were opened wider than ever before and I could really see what God wanted for me. I became a better man, son, husband, friend, and father. I changed a lot from 2012 to current day for the better. I’ve gone through these stages and have made tons of positive changes. Unfortunately I have to say I am still not completely free.

My porn addiction is doing much better, but it isn’t completely gone. To be completely honest, I went from looking at porn 1-3 times a day (1999-2010) to 1-3 times a month now. Some months are much better than others. I went 3 months porn free last year, which was awesome. This part of me kills me, especially being a father to a daughter. Many times I don’t feel worthy enough to be her Dad. I get so angry at myself and keep feeding the devil that way. My addiction does not make me who I am, but I allow myself to be a slave to it. Sometimes it completely rules over my life. It hinders every part of my life, and I’m only locked up by the devils lies. I’m a great man, a great husband, a great son, a great friend, and a great Dad, but I have that one thing left that is holding me back. I CAN BE FREE, I CAN BE FULLY RESTORED!!! God loves us and is for us!!! Life is tough, life is a war, we must choose to fight that war and tell the devil the TRUTH. “I’m not worthless, I’m not a loser, I’m a great person, I can be happy and free.”

I’m not done fighting the war in my mind because I am worthy to be set free. The devil is here and he is real, I will have my spiritual weapons ready to fight him!


5 responses to “Free Indeed

  1. Dang bro, i am floored by your courage to share this kind of detail. I hope everyone is respectful of what you have shared. You are doing exactly what you need to do to beat the devil at his own game. Secrets don’t help anyone but the devil!! Keep being real, keep being honest, i too have suffered from a porn addiction since i was about 13(now 41). We didn’t have internet in 1986, but it was still available in the back of the closets of my friends houses. For 20 years the “world” told me it was ok, then when Jesus found me, i realized that it was no longer ok. I realized it was robbing me of authentic romantic relationships, it was telling me that treating women like objects that were disposable was ok…….. these things are not OK!!! God helped me out of porn 9 years ago with accountability from some very good friends, after being clean for 5 years i caved and watched again. It was very tough to tell my wife and she didn’t take it well, but she forgave me. The hardest part was my own guilt and the shame. Every time i think about watching I think, If that was MY DAUGHTER, would I watch?? Now that i have two daughters, it changes the whole perspective on things!

    Be encouraged brother, I am praying for your strength and protection against the devils attacks!


    • Amen!!!!! That is so encouraging to hear that you are beating it. Yeah I really need to stop listening to the Devils lies. Thanks for sharing

  2. Oh man, meant to say Love the LECRAE video.

    I have been listening to Lecrae for about 2 years now, man he and the whole 116 Clique have REAL, GOOD, MUSIC!!


  3. Hey, as a double-dad myself, I know, what you are talking about!
    As long as we always stand up again to follow Jesus, after we had fallen, we are sure to reach the goal.
    The devil says “shame on you! You are not worthy! Just keep lieing in the dust and hide your face”.

    But God says: “Come on, my dear friend. Stand up and try again. I´m with you”

    I really love to hear that loving voice over and over again after many sins…

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